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April 11th, 2007
08:40 am
I was supposed to give an inspirational speech to around one hundred people this morning. In true Newport form, halfway through the talk I fucked up...I just stood there with a blank look on my face and an even blanker mind...and what semblance of a recovery I made was just awful.
I have such a hard time recovering from failure...or anything less than perfection. How many times a day do I mumble "screw me, and the horse I rode in on". Why do I suffer from such acute self-loathing? God I hate myself and all the shitty science I've done and have yet to complete.
On another note, here's a cartoon my friend and I made:
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June 25th, 2006
09:05 pm
Moving sucks. I've done it 15 times in the past six years and it's only getting harder as I accumulate more oscilloscopes, optical breadboards, lasers, furniture, books and clothes. Only recently have I commenced discarding T-shirts from high school (farewell homecoming '97 souvenir); but, as always, I'm a pack-rat recidivist and a relapse is surely in short order.
Friends flew into ithaca last weekend on a whim. One of them had just received his pilots' license and their itch for a long trip had to be scratched. Then came the lakeside steak, football, waterfalls, telescope and wine. Anyone else could hope for the same, but no one seems to visit me but Rob...though to their credit, my big city friends ain't got no cars...and I AM in nowheresville...so.
If you want a broad group of friends, do not pursue a PhD.
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June 11th, 2006
02:15 am
Sometimes, I do the dishes. Really, any monotonous tasklikethat pains me, so to pass the time I make art.
Other times I see spiders. I'm a catch and release kind of guy, and usually arachnids and I are cool...even when they crawl in my ear while I sleep....but this one was creepy: instead of ambulating like a normal spider, it flopped around on the floor to get away. Perhaps my floppy eight-legged friend was in some sort of agony and I should have put him out of his misery, but the cleanup of the resultant bugjuice-a-riffic mess would have been worse than when my bare foot made squishy contact with a centipede last week.
Also, ants crawl on me while I sleep.
Less frequently, I dabble in spectroscopy. I guess you'd call me an amateur spectrophotometrist. That big motor moves a diffraction grating around which shines a single wavelength of incoming light on a detector...if you step the motor through you can get a scan of all the colors. Here is a spectrum of a halogen lamp...don't ask me what that dip in the blackbody curve is, or those weird oscillations are, because I don't know! Forensics labs use these to identify cocaine and other illicit substances.
I built a new computar. It has the following attributes:
AMD Opteron 165 @2.2GHz
2Gb 2-3-2-5 Patriot Memory
320Gb SATA HD
all on an ATI RS482/SB400 Northbridge/Southbridge running Win x64 which so far has been pretty cool to me
being dorky to talk about.
I desperately needed a new computer as my old laptop has big blotches on the screen and has trouble loading the 3 million tabs I like to open all at one time. This will not stop me from giving it to my family, however...I bet they're less tab hungry.
A less dorky side of me goes to weddings - a physicist's wedding, granted, but still...there's some hope for our breed yet (also he married someone outside the scientific community! [gasp]).
You say Tab'eh'go I say Tab'ah'go...but we both say CONGRATULATIONS on a great game! that fuckin goalie man...the swedes were just dying to get it in, but he kept that tor like some sort of three headed dog.
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May 28th, 2006
11:15 am
I went on a wine tour with friends last weekend, and, for the first time ever, I was not the designated driver. In accordance, my palate was devastated by taste after taste at winery after winery. Tongues are not built for such things and mine has yet to recover.
Food:
-Two weeks ago I ate an entire pumpkin pie within a 24-hour period.
-There are two miso steaks marinating in the fridge and they have been doing so for nigh on a day.
-All my best friends have gone so I have no one to share them with. :(
-Shushi: making, frying, for others and myself.
Reading:
-Time Traveler's Wife: A main character's name is Claire and it's set in Chicago.
-Cold Mountain: just finished and upset, but could just be general demeanor.
-Thor Labs Catalog: why does optics equipment cost so much?
-A Theory of Justice: not quite past page 100.
Playing:
-Bohemian Rhapsody guitar solo: hard.
-Mr. Kweller.
Listening:
-We are Scientists: me too.
-Reel Big Fish
-Beet Garden Sonatas
Watching:
-Citzen Kane: My Rosebud, a hobbyhorse.
-My Name is Earl: finally Jason Lee gets mainstream attention, always thought he was awesome and should get more cred.
-The Office: Pam/Jim kiss...so effing hawt!
Smelling:
-Aftermath of Flaming Toaster Oven: was only trying to make lunch.
-The pool.
Killing:
-Bugs: all sorts of centipedes, ants, little flying things but NOT spiders...they help in this endeavour.
-Time: just wanted to update, without mention of that which I don't want to keep inside my fissures (did I mention I was getting orca fat?)
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April 1st, 2006
01:55 am - Talking Points:
-Just stopped speaking of my senior thesis after realizing my audience fell asleep. People just don't appreciate instrumentation like they used to.
-The DaVinci Code blows. Two words: mental masturbation.
-Nathan Cresswell is still the same old chap...calling me a shithead in an endearing way as only he can. I'm planning on a trip to DC where he will be among those visited. Along with the District Falcons (Rob, John, Graham...) and any Commodores I happen to stumble upon.
-When I'm in the lab, I shout "Eureka" every so often just to boost morale.
-Try Bulleit Bourbon with Graham Crackers or ginger snaps. One out of one person agrees that it's the foshiz.
-See See Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
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March 15th, 2006
12:27 am
MybestfriendCharlie is having a baby. Or, rather, his wife (Sam) is having a baby. She is circa eleven weeks in before either:
a) Kaden Cloud or
b) Mackenna Cloud
is out. They apparently discussed naming their child Charlie Sam(antha) or Sam(antha) Chalie or if they have two, the female Charlie and the male Sam, just to throw people off.
He's an enlisted man and I'm now sick with worry that he'll soon be shipped off. He narrowly missed being deployed four times in two years. Last week he was the only one in thriteen of his group that are not on their way to spend eighteen months 70mi outside of Baghdad. He has four years left of reserve duty. I entertained scenarios entailing his spending four years in ROTC, shielded from deployment but with six year extra commitment...or OSCing it for a desk jocky leutenant position. Perhaps this audience is less than ideal to ask this question, but...any ideas?
today: Handfuls of Frosted Flakes, chewed, swallowed, and chased with red wine.
recently: Acquired a battle ax analog scope and 13MHz function generator with a whole heap of modulation and burst capabilities.
future: More BBQ! fuck yeah.
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February 23rd, 2006
01:49 pm
I went skiing over the weekend. It was extraordinarily cold and I worry that my big toes have something wrong with them. They still ache five days after the perilous journey to Holiday Valley Ski Resort. Luckily they're not black and blue and I have retained big-toe motor control, but I would venture to guess they're some dead nerve cells in there. Perhaps a visit to the doctor is in order.
My girlfriend Liz broke the school record in the 500 freestyle. I too have that record for my school, so we're two peas in a record holding pod...Though her holding is at the collegiate level, so decidedly more impressive. I missed seeing the race by something like 10 minutes, for which I shan't forgive myself. A good thing did become of that journey, however: Dinosaur BBQ. Oh man. I quasi-swore to myself that I wouldn't eat Mexican/TexMex or BBQ north of the Mason-Dixon line; but them Syracuse polecats sure whip up a mean batch of ribs. Drool everywhere, I tell you...Drool!
I've been reading David Sedaris and watching a lot of 007 lately.
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February 5th, 2006
02:33 pm
Last night, we had an oscar party. It was in honor of Miss Gerbode's birthday. Nathan did the artwork, Peaches and Badabada the hosting, Matt the spinning, I the long drunken speech, John everything else and Duane+Jaijun the paparazziing:
http://www.physics.cornell.edu/~jxu/album/party/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/61493298@N00/sets/72057594059443597/
you people don't know any of these people. Also, this is bad, but I don't write in this like a journal, you are my audience and even when my brains and souls are in a mushy, noodle-like knot I wouldn't even hint at it here. Also, Liz made me shave my beard. I have mixed feelings about this, on the one hand it makes her happy and me look younger, and on the other I liked my beard! it kept me warm and it was easier to hide behind than scruff.
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January 12th, 2006
08:58 pm
The summer swimming pool back home changed a lot. My friends and I entered, and stipping down to my swim trunks made me acutely aware of my porcelain complextion and bicycle tire (though in contrast to my younger self, two tricycle tires have sprouted about my aureole). We waded through the kiddy pool which had been enlarged to engulf what were once the restrooms and lifeguard lounge (I watched over peoples' lives here myself as a nubile fifteen year old). To our surprise, a gaggle of fellow high-school alum were there, sitting in chairs and watching the vacant pool. With trepidation we joined them, and I proceeded to make endless disparaging remarks. God I'm an asshole.
My Cornell friends stay in a place they dub "the ranch". This "ranch" was graced by my presence several nights ago. They made me a drink that was awful; it consisted of:
1. Gin
2. Orange Rum
3. Olives
4. Lemon Juice
5. White Wine
They xbox Karoke like it's their job. My rendition of Crazy was to die for (i.e. fucking TERRIBLE) but subsequent songs were in my range ("I will clone...a human being...it will be...a member of my band"). Next: live Karoke - that is when I play Weezer songs or they play Franz Ferdinand songs and we all scream at the top of our lungs.
A few nights ago I was trying out beds at Target and ended up falling asleep in one. I awoke to find the store closed and three young, off-duty army officers sitting on chairs and drinking around my bed. I always thought Target-type boxy stores were built afresh in a glorious conrete and steel box, but no - this one occupied a building of at least fifty. My newfound friends and I wended our way through its corridors looking for adventure. They called me Mario for my bouncy disposition. Then one of them dressed up like Wario and tackled me.
Though you didn't hear it from me, one of my friends just found supersolid helium.
Drink of the moment: Campari Orange.
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January 2nd, 2006
11:45 pm - 5^2
One quarter century ago I wriggled and writhed from my mother's vagina. So far, on this day of my birth, I have:
1. been kneed in the testicles
2. watched "Edward Sissorhands"
3. thought about reality vs distopia vs utopia vs trout
4. sort of vomited in my own mouth twice (once just now, that's what made me think of it)
5. had a cinematic action-adventure dream where I was some naked kung fu monk raiding a nunnery for some powerful Jesus artifacts they were hiding. I fought several janitors. My weapon looked like a giant oral-B flosser, but with razor wire instead of floss.
6. turned my kitchen on its head in pursuit of a meal for seven
7. probably eaten some insects
Overall, a good birthday. At least people wished me so, most of the time I don't get even that. Poor pitiful WASP, weight of the fucking world I tell you.
My tongue should be forked so it could be in both cheeks at once.
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November 20th, 2005
01:17 pm
W: Dopamine levels as a function of typesetting unusually high. Might be akin to Sarahthustra's C-SPAN "problem".
R: Taught someone to juggle and played drinking jumbling tower. This is a cousin of our truth-or-dare jenga...which reminds me: heinous photography from any and all nights where nipple-biting and partial nudity were involved should be destroyed and left as fond memories only. (SETH are you LISTENING? I'll take down that picture of you dancing with your fingers out from facebook if you comply (though it is only up because I think marc is hilarious in picture backgrounds)).
F: Napped and sought solace in the second volume of P&P. The British, along about the turn of the 19th century, fell in love much easier than people do today, what with our hustle-bustle.
Sa: Experimental machine. Dance machine. Fueled by Raw Ramen and vodka-rootbeer, respectively.
Su: Fixed car, locked self out of office and consequently write above.
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November 18th, 2005
06:51 pm
My parents divorced when I was rather young. So what did the courts decide on visitation rules at holidays? Christmas mornings were divided at 9am. And in alternating years, my brother and I were exchanged between parents at this time. My father was totally intransigent on the time, so we had to be ready to go after waking up really early at mom's to open her presents...similarly he dropped us off at nine.
I don't have too many fond holiday memories (except that one year I got a dremel), so perhaps the innocence lost upon realizing that christmas is a corporate masquerade doesn't hurt all that much...maybe I won't buy anyone anything this year.
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November 10th, 2005
03:17 am
After recently having boiled four medium eggs, I ate them.
I am too tired and reticent to discuss my temporally proximal foray in the world of the wed (and the midwest - oh NE you have spoiled me so...) but I wanted to say SOMETHING for SOME REASON. Perhaps to allow you, my brethern/sistern in journalhood the pleasure of knowing my state of non-death.
As fashion dictates the telling of dreams, I aim to trump Claire's unconscious oddity with one of my own (occured a number of weeks ago, my appologies to those for whom this information is less than fresh): Potatoes and green onions growing in my legs, as if my gastrocnemeus and bicep femorous were arable and tillable. The byproducts of my latent imagination seldom frighten me in such a state, but as I slowly pulled the onions from their muscular roots and out of my pores, I felt icky.
My place is really fricken cold.
I read the first decade of chapters of Pride and Prejudice.
I am now the proud owner of TWO stainless steel flasks. This, I conjecture, shall drain my whiskey stores twice as rapidly. (causal, no?).
I really suck at contact lenses.
BUT I can run really fast in airports.
AND sometimes I'm a lazy bum.
BUT I digress.
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October 29th, 2005
05:52 pm - Also Sprach Kelpkrisis
My life:
1. The point system in one of my classes breaks down like this: 10% homework, 35% midterm, 55% final. I took the midterm on Tuesday which followed five days of 6-14hour/day study sessions. Regular work days? psshtt. gimme some of that old time academe...questions broke down like this:
a. Gauge transformations (easy)
b. Relativistic four-vectors (easy)
c. Field Momentum (hard)
d. Greens Functions (medium)
the test's points added to 35...why you may ask? EVERY POINT IS WORTH A PERCENT OF OUR GRADE! surely he'll curve it, surely...
2. Friends drove in from Slaterville Springs (ithaca+~15miles) with upwards of four inches of snow on their car last week. We had a snowball fight. Tired of these we will get. Nonetheless, my skis are dancing in their boots at the winter weather advisories...perhaps I should take them off.
3. My best friend from high school is getting married next weekend and I have no idea about the bachelor party. I want to get us in some trouble. Being the goody-poop that I am, this is not my forte. There's always the ubiquitous stripper-killing, but I was hoping for something more along the lines of dynamite fishing or stadium streaking. or maybe we'll just get piss drunk and vomit off the St. Louis Arch. Any suggestions? (Erin, know of any good strip clubs? I've never been to one personally, so have no idea about quality/value/procedure etc. please fill me in...)
4. There are three parties to attend this evening, the first of which is smurf themed: http://www.smurfhalloweenparty.com/. the second is on the lake...and the third at a place called stewart little. Hope that pictures pend...
5. I have nurtured a crush on a lovely girl named Liz. She likes swimming, ren-fairs, our environment and hopefully me.
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October 19th, 2005
02:09 pm
I just passed Bill Nye in the hallway.
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October 13th, 2005
01:15 am - Over Troubled Waters
I managed to convice a number of physicists to go bridge jumping (not the suicidal kind, though common at Cornell) (correction, I convinced one physicist to go bridge jumping and she convinced everyone else to do it). It seemed their schedules only allowed them to do this at 8pm, when it's cold and dark and cold. So we made the trek out to Beebe Lake. I tested the waters' depth. I jumped off. Others slowly followed. I stayed in the water freezing for moral/rescue (not sure I would have found them in the murky goose poop waters of beebe) support as they made up their minds. Good times until Mo cut his finger on a bottle of Labbat...and he's Canadian! or Iranian!
In tremors, I returned home to a shower and made it to the after party of cocoa and cider (oh yeah - apple festival was this weekend...fucking amazing apples...and pickles! and amish and hippies). I'm not sure these cats can handle my brand of commentary like McGill could...you guys epitomized verbal tolerance. I don't mean too, it's just when I get comfortable these disgusting things spew forth.
Did I tell this story already? Someone once said doctors made nice old men. I want to be a nice old man too, but superficially it doesn't seem like I'm on such a path. Gosh.
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October 12th, 2005
12:17 am - Fall Break 2005
Saturday was off the hook. Upon completing a children's novel in honor of banned book week (albeit a belated one) I gathered succor for a dinner. My act of oven preheating resulted in melty pyrex bakeware lids (not mine). The german contingent was AWKWARD because all four of them or whatever had slept with the same girl...this is in part my own fault as myself and the others in my drunken coven thought it would be funny to get these people together. How wrong we were. To salvage the party we broke out the guitars which didn't help because everyone thought we sucked, which was totally true.
We made it to The Chapter House a bit before closing and got in a couple of games of pool and darts. The drunkies were playing grab ass. I thought the band sucked. I am good at being a wingman...or at least I'm very distracting, but only for certain people. There are those unsalvagable assholes out there - you know who you are. At closing we went back to Robin's place to booze more. Johannes was grabbing everyone's crotch at this point and was getting rather violent. Fortunately I avoided the fray by jamming with Kaden (this being far superior to before). I guess it was five by the time Kaden and I jetted with everyone else snoring on the floor. All in all, a solid 11 hour party. Plus, my gossip resevoir was overflowing by the end of it all...
I've been doing homework since 3 this afternoon, but I'm done. I'm fucking done. well almost...I still have to figure out this levi-cevita thing.
     
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/blah.gif) exanimate
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October 7th, 2005
12:22 am - constructed for leakage
tomorrow through tuesday is fall break i am not doing anything organized though with you my company as witness i swear to go hiking in the finger lakes national forest the only national forest belonging to new york stop in college i took no spring or fall breaks as i thought self betterment or work needed to be done stop these ideas were defenestrated my senior year when i took a cruise along side my cronies and in side a rather gaudy monstrostity known to carnival and its investors as the imagination full stop the watch company sent a new leather strap and it arrived to my joy today stop antithetical to this joy is the act of installing the strap with those little fucking pins which do not seat properly and the leather riding up on the body of the watch and i still cannot fucking get the protrusion to go in the hole FUCK stop despite this it is a great watch full stop wilma and i learned three new songs this week el scorcho by weezer and ziggy stardust and starman par david bowie stop my step father looks just like david bowie but he hates david bowie i think bowie is cool i think lodger rules my step dad is a fool stop david corney and i also played bohemian rhapsody this evening transposed up one half step without the guitar solo s because it they is are hard full stop provided you have made it this far in my difficult to read but chosen format you win a prize consisting of a proffer to submit to me in writing a list of rare or expensive books to be searched for at the third largest used booksale in the nation this coming weekend in my hometown of ithaca new york stop enjoy stop this post was inspired by an interview held with christopher walken on conan stop
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September 30th, 2005
11:26 am
Box Hedges. I do not approve. Why impose order on something naturally chaotic explicitly for decoration? The same goes for French gardens, fucking French.
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September 22nd, 2005
10:54 pm
The remainder of this week has been much better, thank you. This is in part due to a splendid note spawned by Herr Bowles. Thank you Herr Bowles.
An experiment I'm doing requires a darkroom. I've never really used a darkroom in the darkroom capacity before and am enjoying my twenty minute stints in complete darkness. I open my eyes and imagine I'm a mountain with all of reality floating as clouds around me. Sometimes I see other people-mountains and I wave to them...I'm not sure with what, mountains don't have appendages...maybe a ridge or something.
My wallet was found...money and all. I like these little enclaves of utopia in upstate NY where no one steals anything and everyone is generally very kind. Joern doesn't trust anyone and always has to lock all locks. We shopped this evening and he told me to roll up my car's window at the organic market to which I replied IT'S THE ORGANIC MARKET.
-You can't OWN property man
-Get off my porch you dirty hippies!
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kelpcrisis's journal
